After my less than stellar performance in the 14.1 Open WOD, I had slightly higher hopes for 14.2. And then I saw the WOD.
Gulp. A 65 pound overhead squat. Going overhead for me is difficult no matter what. After shoulder surgery in 2002, and years of physical therapy, my shoulder still "clicks" and "snags" when I go overhead. Not to mention that tight hip flexors often prevent me from breaking parallel in a squat, and in CrossFit breaking parallel is a MUST, especially in a competition.
Coming in to this WOD, I had a one rep max OHS PR of 70 pounds. But that was taken from the rack, and I'm positive I did not break parallel. But I still thought I had at least ONE OHS in this 42 year old body.
I arrived at the box on Monday morning. But not just any normal Monday morning. It was the FIRST Monday after the time change, and I had gone to Busch Gardens the night before, watched the Steve Miller Band perform live, drank beer, and didn't get home until very late. Then the kids got up late, Ronin could hardly wake up at all, so I dropped the girls off at school, took Ronin to CrossFit with me, he slept on the couch all curled up with his blanket and I went off to begin warming up.
I teamed up with Karin and we both started lifting. I warmed up with a PVC bar, and that's when Coach Pete quickly let me know that I wasn't breaking parallel. Oh boy...this was going to be rough. Not breaking parallel with only a PVC. Yikes. He placed a med ball behind me and told me that was my goal. I needed to feel my backside touch that ball and then I would have broken parallel and once I stood up and kept control of the bar/weight then I would have completed one rep.
The ball really helped me find parallel. I did it with the PVC, I did it with a 35 pound bar, and then I started adding weight. I did it with 45 pounds. I did it with 55 pounds, and then it was time for the 65 pounds. And I did it....but I was still in the warm-up. It was HARD, but I did it.
And then...3,2,1, GO. I went first. And for 3 minutes I gave it everything I had. EVERYTHING. And quite a few times I broke parallel, but then couldn't stand up without the bar falling forward. And quite a few times I got super close to breaking parallel, like within a millimeter, but that doesn't count because I didn't break parallel. I fought so hard. I gave it everything I had.
And I walked away with a score of ZERO. 0.
I was devastated. I am just so hard on myself. I cried, I had a pity party, and I allowed myself to get in to a big deep funk.
I didn't take into account that a year ago there would have been NO WAY I could have even gotten 65 pounds over my head, let alone hold it there in a wide grip, and squat down inches from the ground and not lose control of that bar and all the weight it held.
I did some soul-searching and how I've changed over the past year. I'm so much stronger than I ever have been. It doesn't matter that I didn't get to record a score. What matters is that I had the courage to try.
14.3 will be released tonight, and I'll attempt it tomorrow. I'll have the 3 kids with me since Spring Break officially starts tomorrow, and regardless of the outcome, I'll be proud because I know I'll have given it everything that I can.